If wishes were horses

Posted by R. Berg on December 27, 2002

In Reply to: More "If..." posted by Bob on December 26, 2002

: : : : : : :
: : : : : : : Greetings -

: : : : : : : Would be very grateful to hear if anyone possibly
: : : : : : : knows where a collection of the "If" phrases
: : : : : : : as in "If wishes were horses then beggars would
: : : : : : : ride" .. etc "If **** was *** then *** would/wouldn't
: : : : : : : etc.

: : : : : : : Many thanks in advance,

: : : : : : Don't know a website, but here's one appropriate to the season: "If if's and but's were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas." I always liked the rhythm of that.

: : : : : "If frogs had wings, they wouldn't bump their ***** when they hop!"
: : : : : ( www.kool107.com/ GREGBIO.htm

: : : : : If frogs had wings, and snakes had hair,
: : : : : And automobiles flew through the air,
: : : : : If a watermelon grew on a huckleberry vine,
: : : : : Then we'd have winter in the summertime.

: : : : If a hog had wings he'd be an eagle.
: : : : If a pig had wings, he'd be a chicken hawk.
: : : : From This Dog'll Really Hunt: An Entertaining Texas Dictionary by Wallace O. Chariton (Wordware Publishing, Piano, Texas, 1989, 1990)

: : : The full Scottish proverb:

: : : "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride
: : : If turnips were swords, i'd wear one by my side
: : : If ifs and ands were pots and pans,
: : : there'd be no need for tinkers' hands"

: : : Another rhyme:

: : : If wishes were horses,
: : : Beggars would ride;
: : : If wishes were fishes,
: : : We'd all have some fried.
: : : (or alternately, "We'd all cast our lines")

: : I wasn't going to mention it the first time, but since we're citing examples, there's the immortal "if my aunt had balls, she be my uncle."

: Is it just me? I can't make this scan:
: If turnips were swords, i'd wear one by my side
: Either there's another way to read it, or word it ... or the Scots can't scan.

It doesn't scan, nor does another version, "If turnips were watches . . ."
The whole verse was found to be a Mother Goose rhyme; see query of Sept. 5, 2001, in Archive 10 on this site (findable from the "Browse Archives" link).