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Posted by ESC on October 29, 2002

The post about "we, the unwilling" for some reason reminded me of these nonsense speeches.

Ladies and jellybeans
Reptiles and crocodiles
I stand before you to sit behind you
To tell you something I know nothing about
There will be a meeting tomorrow evening
Right after breakfast
To decide what color to whitewash the church.
There is no admission
So pay at the door
There are plenty of seats
So sit on the floor.

(Version 2)

Ladies and gentlemen
Hobos and Tramps,
Crossed-eyed mosquitoes,
And bow-legged ants
I come before you to stand behind you
To tell you a story
I know nothing about
Late Thursday night, early Friday morning
An empty truck full of bricks
Pulled into my front yard
Killing my cat in the back yard
That same night two boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced one another
A deaf policeman heard the noise
Came and shot the two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man
He saw it too.

"American Children's Folklore: A Book of Rhymes, Games, Jokes, Stories, Secret Languages, Beliefs and Camp Legends for Parents, Grandparents, Teachers, Counselors and All Adults Who Were Once Children" by Simon J. Bronner (August House Inc., Little Rock, Ark., 1988).

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