Seinfeld primer

Posted by A fan on September 05, 2001

Seinfeld primer: Here's Jerry!

By THOMAS NORD
The Courier-Journal
Louisville, KY
Wednesday, September 05, 2001

Admit it.

You still say "Yada yada yada." Or end sentences with "not that there's anything wrong with it."

A dozen times a day, you encounter some bizarre or frustrating moment that calls out for an ironic observation or a self-deprecating aside straight from the mouth of Jerry, George, Elaine or Kramer.

Can it be that three years have passed since "Seinfeld" bowed out of prime time? Maybe it's the daily reruns, or the fact that nothing has really come along since that strikes the same chords. But sometimes it feels as though the show is as relevant today as it was then.

You be the judge. Because Jerry Seinfeld's doing two shows in Louisville tonight -- and because he doesn't do interviews with anyone but Jiminy Glick these days -- we're marking his visit with this tribute to all things "Seinfeld."

We're calling it "Seinfeld from A to Z."
A
Alter-egos -- George goes by Art Vandelay, Jerry is Kel Varnsen and Kramer is both Martin Van Nostrand and H.G. Pennypacker, "a wealthy industrialist and philanthropist."
"ASS MAN" -- Vanity license plate mistakenly sent to Kramer.
B
Bubble Boy -- Upstate New York boy confined to a plastic "bubble" because he lacks an immune system. Jerry is roped into meeting Bubble Boy, who ends up fighting with George. (See also Moops and Yoo Hoo.)
Bra -- Clothing item that Sue Ellen Mischke, the Baby Ruth heiress, refuses to wear, infuriating Elaine.
"The Bro" -- The male brassiere invented by Kramer and George's dad, Frank Costanza. Alternate name: "The Man-Zier."
C
The Contest -- In perhaps the most famous episode, Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer vie to see how long they can go without engaging in, um, a certain act of self-gratification.
Cheever, John -- Famous author and the former lover of George's prospective father-in-law, a fact unearthed after Kramer burned down the man's beloved summer cabin.
Cigar store Indian -- Jerry wants to score with Elaine's exotic friend, but blows it when he buys Elaine an expensive antique cigar store Indian, unaware that her friend is part American Indian.
D
Dinky Donuts -- Doughnut shop where Kramer allegedly encounters Joe DiMaggio.
Delores -- Actual name of Mulva, a woman Jerry is dating but whose name he cannot remember, other than it rhymes with an embarrassing female body part.
The Drake -- Friend for whom the gang buys a big-screen TV as a wedding gift. It is an ill-fated decision, as their trip to the mall ends with George's father's car being demolished by an angry mob after it is parked in a handicapped space.
E
Envelopes -- Cheapskate George saves a buck by buying discontinued wedding invitations, unaware that the glue on the envelopes has turned toxic. He finds out the hard way when his fiancée dies after licking dozens of invites.
F
Festivus -- Holiday for malcontents invented by Frank Costanza. Festivus, "a holiday for the rest of us," occurs on Dec. 23.
Frogger -- George's favorite arcade game.
Fusili Jerry -- Dried pasta statue Kramer makes in tribute to his friend.
G
Gay -- Jerry and George most certainly weren't gay, despite a newspaper writer's misunderstanding. Not that there's anything wrong with it.
H
Hennigan's -- Scotch favored by Jerry and Elaine.
Hand -- As in "upper hand," the most important aspect of a successful relationship, according to George. He rarely ever has it.
I
Implants -- Jerry became obsessed with finding out whether his well-endowed girlfriend Sidra had them. She didn't. ("They're real, and they're spectacular.")
J
Jesus Fish -- Christian emblem that Elaine steals from her boyfriend Puddy's car.
Junior Mint -- Candy that Kramer accidentally drops into the chest cavity of Elaine's boyfriend when they sneak in to watch his operation.
K
Kenny Rogers Roasters -- Chicken stand across from Kramer's apartment. Kramer initially opposes the stand because its obnoxious neon sign robs him of his sleep, but he later becomes addicted to its wares.
Kessler -- Kramer's name in the pilot episode.
L
Latvian Orthodox -- Religion to which George converts to keep a girl from dumping him.
"Lemon Tree" -- Trini Lopez song George and Jerry use as code when stealing an embarrassing answering machine tape from George's girlfriend. (See also Tippy Toe.)
Low-talker -- Tag given to the woman Kramer was dating, who spoke so quietly no one could understand what she was saying. (See also Puffy Shirt.)
M
Marble rye -- Loaf of bread Jerry steals from an elderly woman, so George can impress his future in-laws when he is invited to dinner at their home.
Moops -- Misspelled Trivial Pursuit answer (it should say "Moors") that prompts a scuffle between George and the Bubble Boy.
Merman, Frankie -- Jerry's summer camp pal, whom George jealously referred to as "the summer me."
N
Nipple -- Body part that Elaine showed a bit of on her ill-fated Christmas card.
O
Ogling -- Jerry and George almost lose their precious NBC pilot after getting caught staring at the nubile teen-aged daughter of network executive Russell Dalrymple.
P
Pez -- While attending a piano recital by George's girlfriend, Jerry uses a Tweety Bird pez dispenser to coax a laugh out of Elaine. The pianist has her concentration wrecked, prompting her to dump George when she finds out who the instigators were.
Puffy shirt -- The ridiculous shirt Jerry agrees to wear on the "Today" show after misunderstanding Kramer's low-talking girlfriend.
"The Puerto Rican Day" -- The episode that NBC vowed never to rerun after activists complained the show insensitively portrayed Puerto Ricans as loutish and unmannered.
Q
Queens Boulevard -- The street where where Frank and Estelle Costanza live in Flushing, or, as Kramer once called it, "the country."
R
"Rochelle, Rochelle" -- Soft-core film ("The tale of a young girl's strange erotic journey from Milan to Minsk") that George sneaks into.
Rick-Bar Properties -- The real-estate firm from which George is fired, rehired and refired all in one episode.
Re-gifting -- The practice of giving a gift you've received to someone else. Considered bad form.
S
Salad -- Elaine can often be seen eating one. In one particular episode she orders "the big salad" from Monk's diner. Later, after being "exiled" to another diner, she vainly tries to order a big salad, only to be rebuffed.
"Sack Lunch" -- Low-brow comedy Elaine wants to see instead of "The English Patient."
Shrinkage -- Embarrassing condition that results when George swims in chilly waters off East Hampton.
T
Tippy Toe -- The code word proposed by George for the answering-machine heist.
U
Urban Sombrero -- Large hat sold by J. Peterman, suitable for use when napping at your desk.
V
Van Buren Boys -- Street gang that hassles Kramer. (Jerry: "There's a street gang named after President Martin Van Buren?" Kramer: "Oh yeah, and they're just as mean as he was!")
W
Wood -- Motif Kramer chooses for his apartment makeover.
"The Wiz" -- TV commercial alter-ego of Elaine's strangely magnetic beau. "Nobody beats the Wiz!"
X
X-rated movies -- George once said that, were he ever a porn star, his name would be Buck Naked.
Y
Yada, yada, yada -- Offhand phrase Jerry's girlfriend uses to avoid going into embarrassing detail on everything from sex to shoplifting.
Yoo Hoo -- Chocolate soda delivered by Bubble Boy's truck-driving father.
Z
Zanfino, Joey -- Child for whom Kramer baby-sits, and who mistakes him for Frankenstein because he is walking funny in his too-tight jeans.

• Seinfeld primer Bob 09/05/01
  • Seinfeld primer A fan 09/06/01