Posted by Bob on October 25, 2003
In Reply to: Tight? fight tears? posted by ESC on October 25, 2003
: : : Voice tight from fighting the tears, she responded,...
: : : Could you rewrite this sentence in a clear, simple way?
: : Let's see if this is more understandable: Her throat was so tense from the effort to avoid crying, she found it difficult to speak.
: : Now, notice that it took more words to "explain" the original ... which means that it was fairly simple, if not clear. Let's try another re-write:
: : She responded in a voice strained by the effort to avoid tears.
: : the original is still better.
: How about: Choking back tears, she responded...
Even better. Crisper.