Songs and Stories

Posted by SR on December 13, 2004

In Reply to: Re: Warning--Very Good Joke posted by Brian from Shawnee on December 12, 2004

: : : : : : : As far as I can tell without thumbing through 4550 hits, ~ is a blend phrase meaning male child molestation. Yet if I search it as a slang expression I get precious few hits, suggesting it's one of those terms that can take on practically any meaning you want it to. Comments? Thanks all!

: : : : : : "Chicken hawk" used to mean the above. Now it's taken on another meaning -- a man who advocates war but who hasn't served in the military.

: : : : : Chicken sex in Zambia.
: : : : : These connotations of "chicken sex" are not to be confused with a different usage known in Zambia, which may be more broadly regional. In Zambian local languages (Bemba group and probably others), a chicken (i.e. hen, fowl, not baby chick)commonly denotes a woman of no account. Therefore, to "have sex with a chicken" in Zambia would be taken to mean a brief, joyless encounter, like the farmyard rooster. This usage reported in local court proceedings was taken literally and misreported in the international press and on the internet earlier this year under the spectacular headline (from memory) "Zambian man divorced for sex with chicken". International readers would have reacted with puzzlement, hilarity or disgust. It made me curious to do some research. To Zambians--which I confirmed positively-- the statement that the husband had f**d a chicken means that he had had at least one quick one-night stand with a lady of easy virtue.
: : : : :
: : : : : -- Keith

: : : : Chicken sex

: : : : A Zambian man has killed himself after his wife found him having sex with a hen, say police. According to detectives the 50-year-old tried to murder his wife when she walked in on him with the hen but she escaped.
: : : : http://www.supanet.com/ladiesroom/sexrel/stories52.html

: : : : Just to emphasize. The "nkuku" in question was surely not a literal bird but a lady of easy virtue with whom the man was caught in flagrante delicto. Clear to speakers of local languages. I will check with Zambia police to confirm.

: : : A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.

: : : Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him."

: : : "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."

: : I love it, where did you find it--DH

: As a boy, I once procured a copy of Hustler magazine and besides looking at the pictures I read some of the letters to the editor. One purported to be from a woman whose husband said he wanted to have sex with a chicken. A real chicken. The editor made it clear in no uncertain terms that a human male having sex with a chicken would lead to a gruesome death for the chicken. So, it's not just kinky, it's cruelty to animals and I really hope it's not going on in the world.

My dear friend, the late Bob Gibson, had a song about chickens and roosters that he sang frequently in his show many years ago. While Bob has left us, his music and sense of humour certainly have not. I still perform this song on request and I have also used Dale's joke above as an introduction to the song.

The Super Rooster (Bob Gibson)

We've got some chickens, no eggs would they lay.
We've got some chickens, no eggs would they lay.
My wife said, "Honey, this isn't funny. We're losing money."
No eggs would they lay.

One day a rooster came into our barnyard,
He caught those chickens right off their guard.
They're laying eggs now just like they used to,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.

We've got this cow, no milk would she give.
We've got this old milk-dud, no milk would she give.
My wife said, "Honey, this isn't funny. We're losing money."
No milk would she give.

One day that rooster came into our barnyard,
He caught that cow right off her guard.
She's giving egg nog in quart containers,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.
We've got a garden, but it wouldn't grow.
We've got this garden, but it wouldn't grow.
My wife said, "Honey, this isn't funny. We're losing money."
That garden won't grow.

One day that rooster came into our yard,
He caught that garden right off its guard.
We're growing egg plant, just like we used to,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.

We've got a gum tree, no gum would it give.
We've got this gum tree, no gum would it give.
My wife said, "Honey, this isn't funny. We're losing money."
No gum would it give.

One day that rooster came into our yard,
He caught that gum tree right off its guard.
It's giving Chicklets, just like it used to,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.

We've got a gas pump, no gas would it give.
We've got this gas pump, no gas would it give.
My wife said, "Honey, this isn't funny. We're losing money."
No gas would it give.

One day that rooster came into our yard,
He caught that gas pump right off its guard.
It's giving Shell gas, just like it used to,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard. (or it is Eggs-on?)

We've got a motorcycle, but it wouldn't run.
We've got this motorcycle, but it wouldn't run.
My wife said, "Honey, this isn't funny. We're losing money."
That cycle won't run.

One day that rooster came into our yard,
He caught that motorcycle right off its guard.
And now it's scramblin', just like it used to,
Ever since that rooster came into our yard.

One day that rooster began acting very stange.
One day that rooster began acting very stange.
My wife said, "Honey, this isn't funny. We're losing money."
That rooster is sick.

One day another rooster came into our barnyard,
He caught that first rooster right off its guard.
He's laying hens now, just like he used to,
Ever since that new rooster came into our yard.

We also used teachers with eggsams etc. You may add your own creations as you wish. Enjoy! SR